Intent vs. Action
Unitarians are academically oriented, therefore many churches take the Summer off. Our church, or Fellowship as it is called, reduces to one service instead of two, and the minister takes six weeks off. During this time, the service is "lay led." Today's speaker was Jim Westall, CEO of Skookum.
Jim's topic was "When our Highest Values Collide." He talked about some of Skookum's values, and how they collide daily (be the very best vs. hire severely disabled people). He talked a lot about how we all want to be judged by our intent, but we are always judged by our actions. And we judge other people by their actions too. This hit home to me on so many levels.
In my work and my relationships, I am sometimes too blunt, aggressive, curt. My intent is almost always that I want to be clear, and be clearly understood. But the action can mask the intent, so that all that is noticed is the delivery, not the message. There are so many other ways to interpret this intent vs. action idea. It is a good thing to remember when faced with what seems like a tough choice. Steve always tells me, "Just do the right thing." That's a little easier when you take time to make sure that your intent is aligned with your actions.
Another thing I've been thinking about today, not sure how this fits with the above, but here it is: I've run into my therapist several times in the last couple of days. I was aquainted with her before I started seeing her professionally, which I haven't done for about seven months. Anyway, as I'm talking to her, I am instantly transported back to that place - her office - where secrets were shared and tears were shed. This person knows things about me. How can you have a normal conversation out in the world with someone once you've shared that experience? I suppose some people might feel the same way about their medical doctor ("But she's seen me down there!") but I don't have any such issues with mine.
Jim's topic was "When our Highest Values Collide." He talked about some of Skookum's values, and how they collide daily (be the very best vs. hire severely disabled people). He talked a lot about how we all want to be judged by our intent, but we are always judged by our actions. And we judge other people by their actions too. This hit home to me on so many levels.
In my work and my relationships, I am sometimes too blunt, aggressive, curt. My intent is almost always that I want to be clear, and be clearly understood. But the action can mask the intent, so that all that is noticed is the delivery, not the message. There are so many other ways to interpret this intent vs. action idea. It is a good thing to remember when faced with what seems like a tough choice. Steve always tells me, "Just do the right thing." That's a little easier when you take time to make sure that your intent is aligned with your actions.
Another thing I've been thinking about today, not sure how this fits with the above, but here it is: I've run into my therapist several times in the last couple of days. I was aquainted with her before I started seeing her professionally, which I haven't done for about seven months. Anyway, as I'm talking to her, I am instantly transported back to that place - her office - where secrets were shared and tears were shed. This person knows things about me. How can you have a normal conversation out in the world with someone once you've shared that experience? I suppose some people might feel the same way about their medical doctor ("But she's seen me down there!") but I don't have any such issues with mine.
posted by Beth at 8:40 PM
4 Comments:
Beth: As a professional MH Counselor, I can give you a hint or two about dealing with 'someone who knows':
First and foremost, she or he simply loves you for sharing that secret part of yourself. I don't know what it is, but that's just the way we are made. People talk to us and allow us to share in their journey.
Second and maybe not as comforting, he or she may not even remember. .... Oh..... It's not that it wasn't important enough; it's more like, she/he was deeply immersed in the - ahh - gestahlt: What you said before, what you look like, how you are saying..., what you are doing, as well as, how he/she is responding and/or reacting.
I've just touched on the magic of the helping relationship. Maybe we can talk more about it sometime?
I didn't know Steve was a Dr. Laura fan! :-)))
I think you come by the blunt and curt honestly. Your Dad has always been able to put a two-page letter on a postcard; and 'aggressive' is just 'assertive bluntness'. I'll try to get him to blog you on what he's done to mitigate some of the 'perceived' harshness in his communications.
Maybe this will be more clear.
I'm The M-I-L; as in Mother-in-Law.
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