Vague sense of unease

I'm feeling a little uneasy. Steve is gone to Seattle for his Father's Day "boys on the town" weekend with Andre & Harris. He left this morning at 9:30am (after doing the dishes) and will return sometime Sunday evening. The kids have been great; at least as good as usual and probably better. I had a babysitter come this afternoon for a few hours so I could go to the PT Film Festival. I had no luck getting in to the movie I wanted to see, so I wandered around downtown and ended up at the Upstage drinking a beer and listening to film people talk about ethics. Only they mostly did some heavy name dropping, and for some reason kept bashing this movie.

So now both my kids are asleep but who knows for how long. I think part of my unease comes from knowing that however tonight turns out, it will be all me. Nobody else here for me to beg "please, honey, will you take a turn?" when the little one is up every hour. Nobody to nudge and say, "Sam is up," knowing that he will get out of bed and replace said child in his own room. Certainly nobody to take both kids into the living room so I can catch a few more zzz's while said person makes my coffee. In short, no husband here to do what my husband does so well. Which is make me feel safe and like whatever happens we will face it together.