'tis the season
I got a computer-generated letter from my parents today, informing me that they are "opting out" of family gift giving this year and encouraging us to reciprocate (at least with them). My emotional reaction took me completely by surprise. I spent the entire afternoon, at work, either in tears or on the verge. It was not a very productive day.
In trying to process my response, I have identified some key components:
1. My inner child heard this news as "You are not important any more."
2. My adult self read all kinds of other things into it, such as "It is too hard to find an appropriate gift for you." We really don't know you very well any more." and "Now that you have a family of your own, you don't need us to show you that you are special."
3. The method of delivery was particularly cold, given the fact that I spoke with them by phone on Thanksgiving and not a word was mentioned of this plan.
4. While I respect that they feel called to help the earthquake victims in Pakistan instead of sending their grandson a tool kit, I couldn't help but wonder, "Why this?" "Why now?" and "Why WorldVision?"
My sister suggested that perhaps my "love language" is receiving gifts. I had never thought of that before, and she may be right. But I'm more inclined to believe that my "language" is acts of service. Which may explain my unexpected response to my parent's announcement. Perhaps I saw their "act of service" going to strangers half a world away, when their family is in need. The best gift giver in our family is my sister, who cared for me and my family twice when my two children were born, who stayed with my aunt when my grandmother passed away and helped make the funeral arrangements, who gives tirelessly to her church's various ministries. She is an expert at acts of service. I could learn a lot from her.
Perhaps the best gift I could give any one this season is to forgive them for being who they are and not who I wish they would be. If I could manage to include myself on that list, it would truly be a Christmas miracle.
In trying to process my response, I have identified some key components:
1. My inner child heard this news as "You are not important any more."
2. My adult self read all kinds of other things into it, such as "It is too hard to find an appropriate gift for you." We really don't know you very well any more." and "Now that you have a family of your own, you don't need us to show you that you are special."
3. The method of delivery was particularly cold, given the fact that I spoke with them by phone on Thanksgiving and not a word was mentioned of this plan.
4. While I respect that they feel called to help the earthquake victims in Pakistan instead of sending their grandson a tool kit, I couldn't help but wonder, "Why this?" "Why now?" and "Why WorldVision?"
My sister suggested that perhaps my "love language" is receiving gifts. I had never thought of that before, and she may be right. But I'm more inclined to believe that my "language" is acts of service. Which may explain my unexpected response to my parent's announcement. Perhaps I saw their "act of service" going to strangers half a world away, when their family is in need. The best gift giver in our family is my sister, who cared for me and my family twice when my two children were born, who stayed with my aunt when my grandmother passed away and helped make the funeral arrangements, who gives tirelessly to her church's various ministries. She is an expert at acts of service. I could learn a lot from her.
Perhaps the best gift I could give any one this season is to forgive them for being who they are and not who I wish they would be. If I could manage to include myself on that list, it would truly be a Christmas miracle.
posted by Beth at 9:10 PM
3 Comments:
What do you need, Beth?
Let's talk about that next time I see you.
Can't wait. Love you!
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