Secret Eating

I've been thinking about this post for a long time. It is tied to a thought that runs through my head more frequently than I would like to admit, "What do you eat when no-one is looking?" I have asked myself this question innumerable times, but it also surfaces when I am talking to friends and aquaintances about their weight struggles.

"What do you eat when no-one is looking?"

I never actually ask the question.

I have mostly given up my own secret eating, since being outed by my husband a few months ago. Once he became aware of how much sugar I was actually consuming (out of sight, of course) it was pointless to continue. We began our current "re-calibrating" diet; a program set forth to help us lose weight and also reign in our sugar habit. Now we eat together, mostly, and I have shared with him my struggles to bypass the candy bins, boxed chocolates, and bakery treats on my daily trips to the grocery store.

"What do you eat when no-one is looking?"

The first guideline in Geneen Roth's Breaking Free from Compulsive Eating is "Eat in Full View of Your Friends, Partner, Children, Parents, Colleagues." She reveals a common notion people have, that if you are overweight you should not be allowed to eat. Overweight people should spend all their time trying to lose weight, and when they do eat it should be very small portions of low calorie food. I have recognized that voice in myself, directed inward... and outward. While I would never say anything about what someone else is eating (would I?), I catch those fleeting thoughts when I see a very overweight person eating an ice cream cone, or more frequently, an enormous mocha frappe with whip cream. Epecially if they are alone, or in their car.

"What do you eat when no-one is looking?"

I guess the next question is "Why?"

For me, secret eating was (and is) about soothing emotions that I don't want to feel. Boredom, sadness, loneliness, anger, frustration, insecurity, fear -- all perfectly normal feelings that most people have on a regular basis. When faced with the temptation to eat in secret, I try to ask myself what feelings I'm having that I am not comfortable with. It doesn't always work, of course, but it is a good habit to develop. Why does this need to be eaten out of view? Will I still want to eat this if I must eat it with someone, or would that 'ruin' it for me? Is it only desirable if I can eat it when the kids are asleep, or in the car, or in my office with the door closed, or after my partner goes to bed?

Something to think about. I would love to hear people's thoughts on this. Feel free to post a comment, send me an email, or just mention it next time you see me. I think, for women especially, getting this issue out of the closet will go a long way toward our individual and collective healing.