Old Time Rock & Roll

Sam doing his Risky Business imitation... 

Trying the big girl car seat on for size

Yes, this is sitting on the kitchen counter. We wanted to make sure it fit correctly before installing it -- same car seat, just facing forward. Besides, it is another opportunity to show off her stunning smile! 

But the real party was at home

 

In case there was any doubt about which birthday it was...

 

Birthday princess

They made her a crown at Playschool, and everyone sang... 

Birthday girl

I know I have been slack about posting pictures, so here we go... 

Most Unhelpful Comment or Why I Hate Sarcasm

I shouldn't have taken the kids to open gym today. We all slept poorly last night; Sam got Steve up four times and Athena got me up four times. I was nodding off in my chair at 9:30am.

But we went, and it was mostly fine. Athena got cranky at 11am so I nursed her and let her fall asleep on one of the gym mats. Sam started showing signs of tired/cranky, but it was close to time to go and I knew it was going to be difficult. I gave him the five minute warning, then the one minute warning. At the one minute warning he SCREECHED "NOOOOOOOO" at the top of his lungs, as he has been prone to do in similar situations lately. This was followed by very loud crying, running away from me, and more screeching.

Let's just say right now that I despise this behavior. I am embarrassed by it, it is out of character for my son, and it is just downright disruptive. But he is going through this phase, and I know (from experience and from parental guidance authorities) that yelling back will not work. I don't believe in hitting children (or adults, for that matter). What I do is pick up our things and quietly leave as quickly as possible. Last week, Sam screamed almost the entire way home.

Today's episode was complicated by the fact that I had a sleeping baby to get home too. And it was freezing outside, so we had to put on coats (not to mention shoes and socks, in Sam's case). So as I begin reaching for our things (immediately after the first screech), another mom looks me in the eye and says, "If your child teaches my child to do that I am going to be really pissed."

Yeah, uh huh. I'll get right on that.

Have a nice day.

Woman or Mom?

I was talking with some other moms recently, and one (very lovely) mother of three said, "I just want my husband to see me as a woman first, then a mother." I agreed, but said we must first see ourselves that way.

I was definitely a woman first today.

Steve doesn't understand why I took the following as a compliment, but I did. At my chiropractor's, the office manager commented on the fact that I didn't have my kids with me. Then she said, "You don't even look like a mom with two kids." Whoo hoo!

I was dressed a bit more fancy/dressy/polished than usual, for a couple of reasons. I had a few meetings today, and since Steve had the kids in the morning I could actually dress for the day and not worry about trashing my outfit before it was time to leave for work. Of course, I did notice a small bit of banana on my shirt right after the comment at the chiropractors, but she obviously couldn't see it.

I didn't get to spend much time with the kids at all today, because Steve and I went out to dinner for a belated Valentines Day celebration. We had a gift certificate to a lovely little place we had never been to, but didn't think it would be cool to use the certificate on a holiday (it was a gift from the owners). We called in the babysitting co-op, and enjoyed a lovely hour and a half on our own. It was fun; we reminisced about our early dating days, which happened also to be our "flush" days. In other words, when we were first dating we went to restaurants like this *all the time.* Now, we can only go if we get a gift certificate. The food was great, we even had dessert, and our favorite server happens to be working there now (she is also a friend).

Back to the moms talking about being a woman first. This conversation came on the heels of a conversation about clothing options for moms. I said -- to complete silence --"I just want to dress like Audrey Hepburn every day."

I mean that.

Secret Eating

I've been thinking about this post for a long time. It is tied to a thought that runs through my head more frequently than I would like to admit, "What do you eat when no-one is looking?" I have asked myself this question innumerable times, but it also surfaces when I am talking to friends and aquaintances about their weight struggles.

"What do you eat when no-one is looking?"

I never actually ask the question.

I have mostly given up my own secret eating, since being outed by my husband a few months ago. Once he became aware of how much sugar I was actually consuming (out of sight, of course) it was pointless to continue. We began our current "re-calibrating" diet; a program set forth to help us lose weight and also reign in our sugar habit. Now we eat together, mostly, and I have shared with him my struggles to bypass the candy bins, boxed chocolates, and bakery treats on my daily trips to the grocery store.

"What do you eat when no-one is looking?"

The first guideline in Geneen Roth's Breaking Free from Compulsive Eating is "Eat in Full View of Your Friends, Partner, Children, Parents, Colleagues." She reveals a common notion people have, that if you are overweight you should not be allowed to eat. Overweight people should spend all their time trying to lose weight, and when they do eat it should be very small portions of low calorie food. I have recognized that voice in myself, directed inward... and outward. While I would never say anything about what someone else is eating (would I?), I catch those fleeting thoughts when I see a very overweight person eating an ice cream cone, or more frequently, an enormous mocha frappe with whip cream. Epecially if they are alone, or in their car.

"What do you eat when no-one is looking?"

I guess the next question is "Why?"

For me, secret eating was (and is) about soothing emotions that I don't want to feel. Boredom, sadness, loneliness, anger, frustration, insecurity, fear -- all perfectly normal feelings that most people have on a regular basis. When faced with the temptation to eat in secret, I try to ask myself what feelings I'm having that I am not comfortable with. It doesn't always work, of course, but it is a good habit to develop. Why does this need to be eaten out of view? Will I still want to eat this if I must eat it with someone, or would that 'ruin' it for me? Is it only desirable if I can eat it when the kids are asleep, or in the car, or in my office with the door closed, or after my partner goes to bed?

Something to think about. I would love to hear people's thoughts on this. Feel free to post a comment, send me an email, or just mention it next time you see me. I think, for women especially, getting this issue out of the closet will go a long way toward our individual and collective healing.